26 March 2006

When you come around, brothas clown a lot.

People used to think I was pissed off all the time. I wasn't; I just took shit pretty seriously. These days, as long as you aren't running over my dog, punching any member of my family in the neck, or fucking with my job, I'm cool with you. [Got nothin' but love for ya.] [I just read Sarah B.'s flickr wherein Poison by BBD and Knockin' Boots by Candyman were mentioned, and apparently as such I am obsessed with 90s hip-hop right now. Big-ups to anyone who can name both the title and the "got nothin' but love for ya" references.]


There are things that I find completely hilarious that most other people don't understand. And there are things that my siblings and I find completely hilarious that NO ONE else gets. And there are things that my friends and I find completely hilarious that become merely funny after time, but they still get mentioned A LOT, because we laugh all the time. And there are things that my BFF and I find utterly, totally, completely hilarious that we can't share with anyone else based on account of how it would make us look like giant assholes.

The other night we were leaving the bar and my drunk friends wanted Good Times, so we're standing outside Good Times waiting for our food, and this hippie dude walks up and the first thing he says screams is "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE EATING! STOP ORDERING!" And I kind of thought he was with one of the other 800 people who were waiting for Good Times at 0200. But he wasn't, and somehow he made his way up to where we were. That might have been because of my friend Jamie screaming at him about Super Size Me, or maybe that was the boy behind us. Whatever, he got up to us. And some sort of weird, drunken arguing match ensues. And it is definitely NOT warm enough to be standing outside hearing about going to Coleman dot com, or whatever, and reading about what is REALLY in their 100% all beef patties. And dude.. I am almost positive no one who eats fast food eats it because they honestly believe they are eating one hundred percent ANYTHING.

The drunken boy behind us, who happened to be from Providence, RI, started arguing about how he DOES know what's in it, and how McDonald's McNuggets are made from 70% tuna fish, or something like that. And this the hippie took GREAT offense to, for some reason. "YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHIIIIIIIIIIIIIING." I sat down on the curb, convinced we were never going to leave Good Times, and, if that's the case, should I just order some fucking wild fries?

Finally my friends started getting their food, and we are *thisclose* to leaving. And then:
Hippie: You're full of shit.
Providence: You're full of shit!
Hippie: You're full of SHIT!
Sara: Oh my crap. :yawn:
Michelle: Is somebody full of shit?
Providence: YOU'RE full of shit!
Hippie: You don't even know what you're talking about.
Providence: You're full of shit. I'm full of shit. Your ponytail is made of tuna fish.

For some reason, that was the funniest thing I had ever heard. And it has since become my rebuttal to anything mean said to me.
Boy: You look like crap today.
Sara: Shut up. Your ponytail is made of tuna fish.

I love it. Had we left any sooner, I would not have my new catch phrase. So, I guess a thank you is in order. Thanks, Good Times, for being the slowest motherfuckers ever to cook 70% tuna fish burgers at 2am.


At 02 April, 2006 18:14, Blogger Laura said...

Do you say it with the same inflection as "your mom goes to college"?

At 03 April, 2006 13:25, Blogger matt said...

No, you shut up. YOUR ponytail is made of tuna fish.

Also, guess who won the ESPN pool this year?

Yeah, that'd be me. I think I'll gloat until next year.

At 03 April, 2006 20:04, Blogger sara elizabeth said...

lol.. laura. :)

no, i say it completely deadpan. it really only works the first time, because people are like "????"

MATT. i don't even want to talk about that stupid tournament.

At 09 May, 2006 11:01, Blogger Soosan said...

Hee! In University my roommate walked in on me while I was half asleep and I proceeded to tell her how she was "double tuna fish, but not double tuna fish per se". I don't remember what that meant, I just know it was an insult.


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